As a younger organizer I trained myself to think of myself last. To act as if I shoulder the burden of every person suffering under
every kind of oppression I stood against. If my day did not revolve around completing tasks I had taken up in organizing meetings, participating in an action, or saying something that would inspire somebody, that day was wasted. This meant my self esteem was
dependent on me experiencing a serious level of lack and burnout. Me, still a young Black girl, also suffering under the boot of racial capitalism, and patriarchy, with my own hurts to heal that I refused to attend to.
I resented rhetoric which centered self-care, and rejected developing a better sense of my own individuality. My value as an
individual was completely wrapped up in my contributions as a political organizer. When I searched inside of myself for something
about me that truly mattered, I came up short every time.
My health was decimated earlier in 2020. I live with Cystic Fibrosis, and in May my lung function took a significant dip. I went to the hospital with sepsis, and would be in and out for the next month, doing rounds of IV antibiotics at home in between rounds of in-patient treatment. I realized if I did not start doing right by myself, and putting my Black and chronically ill body first, that I would die. I was really scared. It turned out I really did not want to die which, frankly, I didn’t know before then.
What I found out next seems obvious, but it was a revelation to me. When I took better care of myself I was more equipped to show up powerfully as an organizer, and had a much clearer vision of how I could meaningfully contribute to my community. The more I turned
inward, and developed an impulse to take care of myself the best I knew how, the more present I was able to be in the political work I had committed myself to.
I do believe self care is selfish if you do not attempt to form a broader vision of how you will use your strength and your stability to help your community, or help the world. I will say this unequivocally.
However, if this is true, then we can also say that it is not good for you, nor your community, to drive yourself so hard, to allow yourself so few moments of reflection and rest, that you become useless to liberatory
efforts.
Audre Lorde said “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
Political warfare indeed, not just because when Black women take care of ourselves, nourish ourselves, empower ourselves, we are counteracting systems which have aimed to destroy us, but because we are equipping
ourselves with the tools we need to dismantle those systems through direct
political action.
I thought of the concept for this [zine] while I was in the bath, washing my hair, a moment of care and reflection that I deeply cherish.This is a process that allows me to feel connected to my ancestors, my blackness, to sit with and appreciate my body, to be fully alone and uninterrupted. On my wash days I cook chicken and greens. I spend the day in the warmth of my bath and my kitchen, feeding myself. It is usually on a Sunday. I am replenishing myself for the week ahead.
In political work, Black women are so rarely granted this space, though we are among those who need it the most.
It would be wonderful, and right, and fair if white people could manage the battle against racial capitalism without extracting our labor, but they can’t. We are needed. Our knowledge is needed. Our labor is needed.It is critical, so we have to be taken care of.
It is not virtuous to be burnt out. It is not virtuous to deprive yourself, to force yourself into excessive lack, rather than finding small moments to care for yourself. Obviously, this isn’t always attainable. Capitalism robs us of housing, food, water, and safety. It robs us of time, creativity, imagination, flexibility
and possibility.
I want to use this [zine] to take time to reflect, analyze the political landscape we are working within, and in a small way, replenish myself and my community for what lies ahead.
This newsletter will explicitly be written from a Black socialist feminist perspective. This is my perspective. It is the one of the perspectives I believe is most sorely needed.
This newsletter will be a project in self-preservation. In resilience. If any of us stand a chance at helping to save this world as it sits on the edge of burn out, we cannot burn out with it. The destruction of the world is happening at the pace of a sprint, but the struggle against capitalism is a marathon, there is no getting around that. We need more people in the struggle, not for a small few to continue shouldering a disproportionate amount
of the weight.
Here, we will rest, reflect and analyze so we can be stronger, know better and do better tomorrow.
